Myths and Truths about Pornography and Sex Addiction

Myths and Truths about Pornography and Sex Addiction

We love to throw stones at explicit adult media materials. We demonize erotica, say that it ruins marriages, and warn that it leads to seeking more and more explicit or risky materials. Some say “it’s cheating!” or “it's exploitation!” Reality is nuanced, so let’s separate fact from fiction. Let me first start by saying the following: adult content is never suitable for young or underage populations. It’s not ok for them to consume it or, especially, to be the subject of it. If you are interested in learning more about the laws in your state, please use this link. 

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on to the basics. What is the truth behind some of the myths? We’ll start with the idea that it ruins relationships. According to Schuler et. al (2021), most often, there is absolutely no impact on relationships where folks use pornography, so that’s an easy myth to debunk. Whether or not pornography use is cheating, however, needs to be defined within each individual relationship. For some folks, it is cheating, for other’s it’s not. (All the more reason for open discussion of expectations!)

Another “myth” of pornography is that it’s exploitative. This is complicated because there are cases where pornography certainly is exploitative. And, because blind moralism is never as easy as it looks, there are cases where it isn’t. In his 2021 book, “So tell me about the last time you had sex” sex therapist Ian Kerner discusses the nuances of ethical and feminist pornography. While one blog post cannot define all the characteristics of ethical porn, suffice to say that in ethical pornography there is a higher degree of consent and the easiest way to determine if you are consuming something ethical (with some glaring exceptions) is whether or not you paid for the content. In feminist pornography, you can expect to see more realistic bodies and themes that are more consistent with female empowerment. 

Another myth in pornography is that folks watching it begin to consume more and more extreme content. This isn’t necessarily true either, but where the topic becomes confusing is the process of habituation. The reason why we think that we need more explicit content is because we habituate to sexuality which can change what we desire. However, this phenomena isn’t specific to sex, but rather occurs in every facet of our life. For instance, I love pizza. However, if I ate pizza for 3 nights in a row, I wouldn’t be so excited to eat pizza on the fourth night (ok, maybe Lou Malnati’s, calories, be-damned!). We habituate to everything in our life, it’s just that we notice a stronger habituation response with sex because the stimulation is that much higher initially (Schafer et. al, 2006). 

Next myth: pornography use can become out of control or even a sex addiction. It is true that for some people, not all people, pornography use or even sex itself can become an out of control behavior. Coleman et al. (2018) describe this as distressing sexual urges or behaviors that interfere with a person’s functioning. We don’t know what, specifically, leads to sex or pornography use becoming “out of control”, but such patterns are correlated with family dysfunction, interpersonal conflict, problems with self-regulation, and other mental health diagnoses. 

For folks who are impacted by out of control sexual behavior, this can be a very distressing condition. However, the good news is that it’s treatable through therapy, with evidence of efficacy for numerous treatment models. Furthermore, it can help you navigate a healthier relationship with your sexuality. Therapy should never be shaming. You don’t have to go through this alone. 

Works Cited:

Coleman, Eli, et al. "An integrative biopsychosocial and sex positive model of understanding and treatment of impulsive/compulsive sexual behavior." Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity 25.2-3 (2018): 125-152.

Kerner, Ian. So tell me about the last time you had sex: laying bare and learning to repair our love lives. Hachette UK, 2021.

Schaefer, Hillary S., et al. "Event-related functional magnetic resonance imaging measures of neural activity to positive social stimuli in pre-and post-treatment depression." Biological psychiatry 60.9 (2006): 974-986.
Shuler, Jordan, et al. "Pornography and romantic relationships: A qualitative examination of individual experiences." Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy 47.6 (2021): 605-620.